It's Not Our Job

In highlight of today’s tragedy I am going to take this blog a little, well a lot deeper than I normally would... In the words of my high school seminary teacher can we scuba dive for a little bit?

Like many of you tonight I cannot get this tragedy out of my head. It might be the future schoolteacher in me coming out or maybe the older sister, but I’m having a hard time getting over the fact that something like this could happen. I continuously find myself in judging and being angered at the man that did this. A man that I didn’t know, a man who’s name I couldn’t even tell you, and who’s face I couldn’t pick out of a crowd or off the street. I was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that it was in Gods hands, just as I’m sure some of you are as well. I then started asking and thinking to myself is God really going to forgive this man? Will he really let him go to “Heaven”? I know that God is merciful I have felt his merci more than anything else in my life, and have been eternally grateful for the mercy he has shown to me so why is it my place to say that he can’t be merciful to this man? Is that fair of me or of anyone else but God? I believe the answer is no. I want to share something with you that helped me understand this tragedy a little better tonight. Naturally when I start to question God or my religion I turn to one of my heroes and former young women leaders Heather Harris. So I asked her the same questions I asked myself, can a person go to “Hell” or as members of my religion (LDS) call it “Outer Darkness”? Are there guidelines as to how someone could end up there, so as any good leader in the church would do she referred me to the scriptures and told that those were kind of how much do I have to do questions. To which I responded and told her why I was asking. She then responded with her profound words of advice that she always give me when I ask her questions like this, which I’m going to quote a little of it and hope she doesn’t mind, “ I know he will receive what he justly deserves and I know those children will be received by our savior in the kingdom of heaven. Does that help their families and all those mourning? Maybe not, but it brings peace to me… I am certain events like this are so so sad to God, we know how much he values little children, but we also know those children are okay… I also feel like standing in front of our Savior and explaining the things we have done with our lives will be justice in itself. Moroni teaches us that we would be more comfortable in the depths of hell and endless woe that to sand before our Savior with a guilty conscience. Take heart in knowing that its not ours to figure out, only ours to do our best to be true followers of Christ” Can you see why I love her so much!

So with that I will end by saying hug and say I love you to the family you are surrounded with tonight and to those you love who cannot be with you today send them a message or give them a call, say a prayer for those lost and the loved ones they left behind today, and know that “its not our job to figure this out, only ours to do our best to be true followers of Christ”

Definitions

Wow I haven’t posted in a long time i'm sorry... Tonight I’m going to take this blog past Ag Ed, past FFA, into somewhere that many of you might feel uncomfortable going. Lately I have noticed a common theme coming up frequently in my everyday life through classes, friends, and even when I look at myself. That theme, topic, question or whatever you want to call it is what defines us as individuals? Do we as humans choose to let words such as, gay, straight, boy, girl, tomboy, feminist, liberal, conservative, or any other word define us? Is it the moments, how we act in those moments, or our decisions in everyday life that defines us? Or is it by the color of our skin or the clothes we choose to wear? Perhaps it’s the religion we associate with, the organization and associations we are a part of, or the kind of career we have? I will be the first one to say that none of these are bad ways to define an individual in fact I use each of these collectively to define myself, but my real question is this; should we be limited to only some of these categories or titles and the stereotypes they bring with them to secure our definition? Most people these day choose to put themselves into the only the categories they think they fit, instead of doing just the opposite and choosing to fit each of the titles into themselves. For instance if I choose to take the fact that I’m a girl and fit the stereotypical norms of being a girl into my life and let that define me as a human what would happen? Would I dress differently? Absolutely! Would I act differently? In some ways yes I would. Would I be scared of the things girls should be scared of? Yeah because remember I’m a girl and have to fit myself into the normal behaviors of a girl. If I just chose to let that simple four letter word and the stereotype of what that words means define me where would I be? No one knows because no one is just a girl. Everyone is more than just the words they use to define themselves just as they should be! No one should have to conform to the stereotypes that society pushes on each and every one of us. It all comes down to what you CHOOSE. So my question to you now is how will you choose what defines you? What does define you? What is YOUR definition?

 

 

My definition:

Jayden: (noun) Girl FFA member born on August, 4, 1994; outgoing, funny, courageous (for the most part) serves others, loves other people, wants to make a difference in the world through future students’, loves family and believes in doing the right thing even when it is hard. Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Caucasian, prefers to wear hoodies jeans and boots, loves hard work, wants to be an FFA Advisor, but for now will continue being a student. Thrives to fit in with every crowd but is sometimes shy and doubtful of herself.

That Old Blue Jacket!!

 

The one thing I love about the National FFA Organization is that once your involved it becomes a part of you!! No matter how old you get you still feel impacted somehow by your involvement in the organization! Who know the real reason why but in my opinion it all comes down to that old blue courderoy jacket! Of course many of you might not understand how a simple jacket could influence the rest of your life. So let me be the first to show you or rather tell you. You see its more than just a jacket its pride, its respect, its leadership, integrity, dedication, hardwork, success, tears, a little blood, a whole lot of sweat, and perhaps the most important for me is the fact that it represents memories.

 

Memories you can't find in any other organization. Memories that will last a life time. Some of my absoulute fondest. So let me tell you some of my memories.

 

I had the oppourtunity tonight to zip up my old blue jacket for the first time in 4 months it was an incredible experience. You probably thing i'm overexaggerating, but trust me i'm not! When you feel the courderoy, when you hear the zipper, when you smell the jacket itself every memory, place, smell, and sound you have expeirenced in the jacket comes flooding back to you. 

 

As I zipped mine up tonight, a few came back to me... Three taps of the gavel and the meeting is adjourned, tears run down my face as I try and pull what little bit of happiness I had left together. There I stood in the front of a room frantically searching for any one to go to for comfort. Just then my mom emerges from the crowd of people trying to snap picture of the retiring senior officers and congratulating us new ones. I had tried so hard the past year to become what I thought the nom com would see as a person fitted for the Tooele FFA President postition. Yet there I was the new Vice President for the second year in a row. My best friend had just beaten me in that race. Part of me was happy for him yet the other wanted so bad for it to be me. I was shattered, crushed,and yes hopeless. I hugged my mom and completly fell apart, i'm sure my sobs could be heard by everyone in the room but I couldn't hold it in. Finally I let go just as I hear my advisor call the new officers names. Each of us walk over to him, "I need each of you to help us clean this place up, the chairs and tables need to be folded up and stacked, the sound system needs to go back to the library, and all of the stuff that needs to be taken back to my classroom needs to be thrown into the suburban." I turn to go help as he grabs my arm, "Jayden lets you and I take a walk." "Alright" I reply back. "Listen I know right now your upset and you may think that all the hard work you have put into running for President was a waste of time... but please realize that i'm still proud of you and I don't want this to hold you back from running for state office." "I know" I answer back trying to hold the tears back. "You have worked harder than anyone I know to get where you are and you will run for state office got it!" "Of course" I say as I let out a little chuckle. "alright I guess we should probably go back and help the rest of them," he says as he hugs me...

 

Sweat beats down my face as I hold my lamb and wait in line outside the showring. It's the last time I will step foot in a showring with animal. The auctioneer is talking a mile a mintute as buyers shout out bids. It's my turn and I enter the ring and set up my lamb. "Smile" my mom mouths from across the ring. "It's a little hard to smile when the sweat from your face is dripping into your eye!" My mind screams. I look over to my FFA advisor as he raises his hand to bid on my lamb. Its my 18th birthday, the last time I will get to show a lamb in a livestock show, and about 2 weeks before I moved to college. I start to get emotional again (I had been crying all morning)  just as i'm about to take my last steps out of the ring. I walk my lamb out to the pen as I try and hold the tears back. "Its over," I whisper to myself as I walk back up the ramp that leads back into the barn. I take a quick walk by myself so no one sees me crying. I don't want to take my jacket off cause I know its one of the last times I will wear it...

 

  Of course I only told you my most recent memories or the ones that came to my mind first. I could have shared a lot more, but I have to save some for future posts right! Ironically they both involved tears being shed by me. I promise i'm not that big of a bawl baby however, one thing is for sure my FFA jacket has seen its fare share of my tears. But trust me that is not by any means all it has seen. Yes, The FFA jacket is a big deal, to FFA members like me its a HUGE deal, and it most certainly will impact the rest of your life!!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That mood...

haha... you know that mood where you just want to sit and listen to sad songs and cry for hours... yep im in that mood! I don't know what it is but every once in a while I get in that mood. I guess I just love having a good cry every now and then... doesn't everyone??

 

In honor of my sad mood wenesday I decided to make a list of the top 40 (cause i couldnt stop) songs that make me cry... so here it goes (in no paticular order at all!)

 

 

1. If I Don't Make It Back - Tracy Lawrence (the part about the home team gets me everytime)

 

2. You Can Let Go Now Daddy- Crystal Shawanda

 

3. Alyssa Lies- Jason Michael Carroll

 

4. Jesus Take The Wheel- Carrie Underwood (reminds me of my life a little)

 

5. I'll Walk- Bucky Covington

 

6. Arlington- Trace Adkins (military songs are my weakness)

 

7. What Hurts The Most - Rascall Flatts (its the video)

 

8.  Dance Baby Dance - Chris Cagle (mine and my dads song not really sad but still)

 

9.  Concrete Angle- Martina McBride (only the saddest song in history)

 

10. Paper Angles- Jimmy Wayne

 

11. Whipering Pines- Johnny Horton (reminds me of my grandpa oviatt)

 

12. If Nobody Believed In You- Joe Nichols (the old man part kills me)

 

13. Cowgirls Don't Cry- Brooks and Dunn (reminds me of my grandpa roy)

 

14. The Impossible- Joe Nichols

 

15. The Little Girl- John Micheal Montogomery

 

16. What Do You Say- Reba McEntire (the ending is horrible)

 

17. What if She's An Angle- Tommy Shane Steiner (not really sad but makes you think)

 

18. Letters From Home- John Micheal Montgomery (like I said before military songs)

 

19. Don't Forget to Remeber Me- Carrie Underwood (played right before I moved to college, I bawled!)

 

20. Your Gunna Be- Reba McEntire (not sad but makes me cry)

 

21. Every Other Weekend- Reba McEntire (reminds me of my parents)

 

22. He Gets That From Me- Reba McEntire (sooo SAD!!)

 

23. I Miss You Daddy Heaven 9/11-  D.J. Sammy (9/11 stuff makes me bawl too)

 

24. A Broken Wing- Martina Mcbride

 

25. Sara Beth- Rascall Flatts

 

26. Believe- Brooks and Dunn (when the old man dies!!)

 

27. Why - Rascall Flatts

 

28. Flowers- Chris Young

 

29. Traveling Soilder- Dixie Chicks

 

30. Walk A Little Straighter Daddy -Billy Currington

 

31. Just A Dream - Carrie Underwood

 

32. Here Comes Goodbye- Rascall Flatts

 

33. If You Get There Before I Do- Collin Raye

 

34. Remeber When- Alan Jackson

 

35.  Whiskey Lullaby- Brad Paisley and Allison Kruess

 

36. When I Get Where I'm Going- Brad Paisley

 

37. Temporary Home- Carrie Underwood

 

38. Holes In The Floor of Heaven- Steve Wariner

 

39. Shine Your Light- Robbie Robertson

 

40. Who You'd Be To Day- Kenny Chesney

 

Happy Crying Everyone!!

Yes! Its that time of year!!

Whether your a past, present, or even future FFA member you probably love and look foward to October every year! Many of you reading this (at least I hope more than one person reads my blog lol) know what i'm talking about, some of you however are still sitting there asking yourself whats so special about October, don't worry i'm going to tell you. Drum roll please.... ITS CONVENTION TIME!!! The National FFA Convention to be exact and man do wish I was back in Indy partying it up with 55,000 of my closest friends!! Yes, you read right 55,000 FFA members packed in downtown Indianapolis, Indiana and boy is it a sight to see... trust me! It is one if not the largest youth convention in the WORLD!! But than again it is the largest youth organization in country were talking about!! I remeber my first national convention like it was yesterday. The teenie tiny freshman of an FFA member sitting in Consaco feildhouse as all of the sudden the lights in the convention center dimmed as all 55,000 of us high school kids dressed in blue corduroy fell silent. Within a split second music starts, blaring so loud I could feel it in my chest. The drums beat steadily, laying a path for all the other instruments to follow, just then the screen went white. The countdown started “10, 9, 8, 7,” then finally “1.” Everyone cheered as six individuals one after another ran on stage. Each persons’ name was announced over the loudspeaker and finally the last of the six ran on the stage as the announcer said “FFA members and guests’ please welcome your 2008 – 2009 National FFA Officers!” Everyone in the audience screamed wildly. Chills ran down my spine, as finally the moment every single FFA member had been waiting for: three taps of the gavel. The President spoke, “The convention hall will come to order. We are now holding the 1^st session of the 81st National FFA Convention! Madam Vice President, are all officers at their stations?” I had heard the opening ceremony dozens of times at my chapter FFA meetings, but nothing had prepared me for that moment. It was a rush I had never felt before in my life pure excitement pulsed through my body. Year after year as soon as October hit my mind screamed at the rest of my body... Yes! Its that time of year!!!

 

The sweet smell of the farm...

 

This is Josh and I!!

You probably read the title and thought dang this kid is weird, some of you though already know i'm really weird. But beyond the simple fact of me being weird, lies a story. Yes, thats my way of being wordy and trying to fool all of you into thinking i'm some sort of dramatic story telling extrodinair (which i'm not by any means). But seriously enough of me rambling... whatever it is that makes your heart beat, whether (haha yes I just typed this as wether and then I realized that is a sheep) it's a sport such as basketball, football, track, or baseball/ softball, or an activity; imagine going two months without being able to be around that activity or thing, hard to imagine right?? Well for my my thing is Agriculture, more specifically animals, and yes for almost three months I have only been able to touch and be around an animal three times. Two of those existed only because I went home for the weekend and had to feed, and man did I enjoy the almost always mundane task that I normally would have complained about. The third however came about because of some begging on my part to Doc. McNeil, pleading for him to let me go to sheep day with them. However neither of those examples are what this post is about, this post is about my Club Calf. His name is Joshua, Josh for short and he also happens to be one of the only three animals I have ever named, and ironically they were all steer calves. For those of you involved in production Agriculture, you understand how the smell of a farm can make an average person scrunch up their nose and possible even start gaging, and you also understand how that one smell of a farm or ranch can instantly hit your nostrils and flood your mind with thousands of memories. Yeah, thats exactly what it did for me. Insantly, I was in a flash back of when I was a little tiny 8 year old leading my thirteen hundred pound steer into the show ring. My white shirt tucked into my black wranglers with that little green and white 4- H patch pinned to the right shoulder of the shirt. Showstick in one hand and the lead rope in the other. A smile stretched across my face hiding the absolute terror going on in the rest of my body. Yes, the smell of a farm will do that to you!!